#175: Me

Salaam...I think there is no, sulking at the corner of the room; waiting for someone to persuade me. This blog has to run as I have promised to myself *and to readers, if any*. Okay, let us talk about the latest song I have widgeted on this blog, the ona that you are hearing right now. 

Death.

I have come to realize that recently, I was being more and more ignorant. I did my Fajr prayer at 7.00AM. I did many sins/mistakes and yet, none have been overcome by me. I hate being this kind of people and I really, really hate myself upon delving into me. Who am I and what I should be, really?

There were so many things I would like to undo and redo. Its just that, the past *and the present* keeps on haunting me. I always felt indifferent to it; I pretend that the things *sins* I did as an involuntary actions. I hate that excuse so much. But yet, its the only thing I would think of, once seeing what I have done. 

I always hope that Allah SWT will bless me with hidayah. I could not resist myself by doing that. I do.

There shoes that I am wearing, I hope no one will. Let me be the only human being this wrecked: hypocritic, self-centered and ignorant. And whilst writing this, I am listening to the song; what more would you expect that a bewildering soul, looking for light.

I know what I did were *note: "were"* wrong. But I just could not get over it.. its to heavy to beshouldered, to be overcome. Had I have the power to destroy this misbehaviour, I would give all I have. But then, that will surely makes me something whom in loss.

*No, Yassin.. sacrificing your whole life for Paradise is not a loss; it is a gain!*

Sven, I do hope that what you have just said as something that is so easy to be done. It is not.