Masak Burger Stail Bujang (Yang Tidak 'Available')

Salaam.. mari tengok suasana membikin burger di bilik Ewi. Bertanding kot, siapa punya panggangan dan burger paling estetik, enak dan beraroma. I'll have to say I lost the battle, but the enjoyment paid that off. Love you guys.

*Peserta-pesertanya?*

Oh, lupa sebut peserta. Mohd Yassin *dia*, Razvi dan Aizat Akram. Wehehee~tidak sangka mereka ada bakat yang agung dalam perihal masak-memasak ini.

*(P/S: tidak tahu kenapa Yassin labelkan pos ini sebagai 18SG LOL)*

**(P/S: Buku 'Islam Demokrasi dan Hak Asasi Manusia. itu.. buku terbaru saya. Berusaha untuk khatam buku tu.. mahal kot)*

Kekalahanku

Salaam... saja untuk mengekspresikan kekecewaanku terhadap diri-sendiri. Tidak mengambil kira setiap sudut dan hanya mementingkan keseronokan saja. Maaf, ya Ghafuur........... amin.

:[

Ask Him for anything you want; and He may not give you.He gives you what you need, and thing bezillion times worths than what you have wished.

Salaam..second post for this day. Huh~I am in total boredom. So, what is the topic? Hmm, not budging; still about self-realization. 

Brothers and sisters, at the very first time I write this blog, I knew that I am taking risks *what risks?* Sven, being my closest friend, you know what I am talking about... it is about the words and sentences that have been written here (in this blog). How many have I hurt? Its countless. So readers, sorry me; I beg you guys' apology.

I was being myself, yet I felt uneasy with it. I often found myself in the midst of thousands of junctions. Each junction yells, "Yassin, come here! This is you fate...". Was it easy to choose which path? No! 

So I know that my personality that I have come to pick as my image may hurt somebody. I know my hand may have slain a soul; somewhere without my knowledge. I knew these risks.

I wrote this blog, I picked the best words; the most well-mannered one. It is intended to not hurting anybody *or to the most minimum number possible*. But by doing that, I hurt myself. In order to satisfy others, I made myself into a hypocritic being.

Just dump that tagline, "Blog Ini Semestaku". It is not. Now I know how much have I diverged myself. I need a/to change. Maybe I should stop at writing :(

Say me, "poyo", "karat" or whatsoever; at last I know I should be mature ans sincere. I should think hard for myself and my family. Being isolated, alone in the dark. Reading books endlessly just to excel *but, that would hurt you!* If that is meant to be, so be it.

Sven, I am having personality problems right now. I know not what to do with myself; either constantly being the former Yassin, or being a new Yassin; a more solitude one. I do not know.

*I am good at giving advices, yet I, myself am dying inside. Within this skinny body, a tortures soul. I really want to be out of this mess*. Now how hypocritical more can it be when the king is the slave? Irony.

The adzaan have been recited. I need to seek help from my Creator. Maybe He has the solution. Salaam..

This Hole In Me

Its 8:02 AM, people. The class is about to get started *actually it is on 9:00 AM, my man* Urgh, aahah; uhm (clearing throat) anyway, if you were to ask what I am right now, or just in case you want to know what I have come into being; I was and am like a FOREVERALONE man *why!?*

I do have friends, I do have families and BFFs, siblings and relatives; all of 'em; I repeat, all of 'em have given me the best life I will ever had *since you will only one life, I presume* but none can ever fill this lostness in me. It is so deep, I barely could see the light above once I fell down to it. That darn hole has been haunting me like since the day I know what life is. It has this set of arms that constantly pulling me to the abyss of it; and most of the time, I did fall.  

How could I ever close that hole? Or jump over that nightmare? the nightmare that incessantly holding me back from becoming a much better person. HOW!?

*I know it is not easy, Yassin. But you have got to try to overcome it. Be strong and remember Allah*

Yes I did. I always seek Allah's refuge at times when that nightmare creeps under my bed of faith. I used to be a strong person, Sven. But..

*Yassin, you are a strong prodigy, prove it! Prove to the whole world that you are the man who have defeated countless atheists and disbelievers in debates. Prove that you are a man of respect*

Sven, it is not the respect or fulfilling others' expectation that I run for. I live and tried to live for the sake of me; I lived happily, back then. But this giant, annoying indestructible hole will always be my biggest rival. What did I get from falling into it? Why for every lure, it managed to get the best of me? 

Every time it managed in seducing me, I slap myself, "Wake up, Yassin! It's just a dream, a bad one.." Despite the awareness, despite the realization that jumping into it is a grave mistake, I did jump again and again.

I sought after Allah SWT and keep on praying that somehow I will overcome this. Somehow I will be able to slay this hole and impale it with my sword of faith. But then, I lacked the determination. Oh Allah, you Hear this; only You can change my whole life.

Incoherent with the topic; merely an ornament.

Sometimes:- looking back at the mistakes that I have done and the sins that I have on my left shoulder, I feel ashamed; "Oh how can this so-called Jundullah failed to fight o'er such a small drainage?" *curse them!* no, Sven. Curse me. Maybe it is all too small; but I look it differently. I always ought to fall. I choose it.

*Aw, Yassin.. forgive me for not doing anything. I am just your imaginary friend :[* No, Sven. You are my best buddy. When the world turned all over me; you are there *with Allah's Permission* yes, of course. I thank so much  to Allah for endowing me such a nice imaginary guy *Yassin, you are the reason I love myself* *cut that out!*

Hmmph--I could only gasp when things are done. Let gone be bygone, they say. Why the hail they say things like that. It is not that easy; It is like cutting Giant Sherwood using the smallest scalpel. It is like searching needle in a whole Universe of haystack. It is so hard, people; can't you see it!? *Yassin, calm down.. guys, somebody, calm this guy down*

Au revoire, Earthlings. :(

Merenung Manusia

Penderitaan yang tidak pernah padam; sentiasa marak membakar jiwa si anak muda; meributkan suasana, menggegar takhta. Siapa yang menyangka; tangan sekecil itu mampu meruntuhkan segenap istana? Asal bertempik sahaja suara merdeka jiwa yang dirias indah mujahadah, semuanya bisa. Malah bisa pula dia memimpin tentera yang membentengi hak-hak manusia. Setakat desingan bingit senjata, sudah dia biasa.

Bukan mengiring rasa riak, mahupun menjunjung sikap esentrik; tetapi realiti perlu dihadapi dengan ego. Tanpa ego, mati jiwa yang bersaing, punah lorong perlumbaan kehidupan; tiada dinamiknya. Pendek kata, hidup itu tunggaknya ego yang menjulang *bukan menjulang* tetapi mengguntur *menakutkan* berdentam-dentum.. ehh, kau boleh ke tepi sedikit? *(tiada bunyi)*.

Gerun bukan alasan berhenti, kalah bukan sebab berpatah kembali; kalah atau berserah, malah, tiada jalan kembali. Hanya kepastian yang kabut dikocak kerisauan tentang masa depan. Gerisik waras yang tadinya lancar bertingkahpun diam digertak ketidakpastian. Takdir ada jalannya, telah ditentukan itu.

Berselindung di sebalik parut derita; bekas cangkuk pengalaman. Mencandat kemenangan dengan pengorbanan termulia, menunduk pada tenang air laut kehidupan. Dia yang setia berembun masin, menunggu tangkapan. Subuh masih bersengkang mata, masih mencandat:- harapan pun jadilah.

Denai hijau, gaungnya membunuh jua. Gunung indah, jika jatuh di puncaknya, mati juga. Bertongkatkan kudrat yang masih bersisa, dia masih memimpin bangsa manusia yang ingin tahu lereng-lereng rimba; syurga cintanya, lubuk harta. Rimba adalah kanvasnya melukis masa depan:- upah bertukar tangan, si ungka liar jadi saksi ubannya yang semakin subur disiram titis rimba.

S.O.S (Selamatkan Otak Saya)

|   "Salaam.. aduhai jemari, kenapalah kau gian sangat menaip ni. Diarah tulis nota      malas, malah kau meregang-regang pula. Penat tau menaip; kau apa kisah"           |

Buka buku; bertiarap di atas katil. Menyorong 'earphone' ke telinga sedalam-dalamnya dan lagu diputar. Helaian-helaian nota disusun dan dimasukkan ke dalam fail. Dikeluarkan semula; lupa pula rumus yang cuba disumbat masuk ke kepala tadi. Ahh, dimasukkan. 

5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. 

Terus mata terkulai dihambat rasa mengantuk. Tumpuan dialih kepada imaginasi yang mengepak-mengepak, terbang jauh dari kesedaran. Realiti semakin ditinggalkan, mengiringi kegagalan maksud yang tadinya dengan penuh semangat, ingin dilaksanakan. Lucu, kan?

Kalaulah diperintah saya untuk menjadi psikiatris bagi mengubat pesakit insomnia, maka akan saya hulurkan sejilid buku Biologi, tidakpun Kimia. Pengalaman mengajar saya betapa mujarabnya dua benda ini. Tidak susah, selak mana-mana halaman dan renung.. Ya, renung buku itu dengan penuh berahi. HAHAHA. Renung sebagaimana anda merenung entri ini *ehh, ini bacalah* HAHA, bha.

Sepertinya ayam kepatahan leher, yang merenung sambil duduk terhinggut-hinggut menahan kantuk. Bila terhenjut muka kehadapan *kadang-kadang sampai menghantuk meja* automatik menarik semula kepala ke posisi asal. Terhantuk lagi; dan berulanglah. Esok bangun, dahi sakit.

Haha.. realiti *atau, patut saya kata; dilema* bukan.. bukan dilema, tetapi konflik *bukan konflik, eustres* apa-apalah namanya, setiap organisma yang bernafas di muka bumi ini yang bergelar pelajar pernah merasakan perasaan ini. Perasaan di mana desakan intelektualisme, perasaan takut gagal, cita-cita, profesionalisme dan disiplin bergabung menjadi satu jasad melawan perasaan (menguap); maafkan saya, perasaan mengantuk. Dalam sekalian banyaknya pertarungan, perasaan itu juga yang menang.

Menulis saya atas pengalaman di masa lampau *dan masa sekarang*. Bukan dongengan tanpa natijah, saya berharap agar pembaca *terutamanya pembaca 4S* dapat memberikan klu untuk menyelesaikan masalah ini. Jangan biar saya lemas dengan kemalasan *malas melawan mengantuk (menguap)* HAHA, kau pun mengantuk juga :D Selamatkan saya daripada cengkaman gergasi mengantuk.. seseorang..

Oh ya.. untuk pengetahuan anda, entri ini memang ditulis tanpa perasaan melainkan perasaan mengantuk.

Which??

Salaam/Regards

I have bad experience believing  a certain light as my destination. Seeking light is not the best way to get 'there'. Careful inspection and calculation must be done accurately, before jumping out of your bath tube and shouting, "Eureka!".

Light can be deceiving, but it is not as deceiving as the obstacles to get there. A philosopher once have said, "The hardship itself is part of knowing the light. It is a preposterous to say you have reached the end of the rope without getting any bruise." 

And weirdly as it (always) seems, that sentence is true. 

The key point in understanding which light that needs to be taken depends on your necessity and view of life. If you live as a Muslim, you cannot expect of having death without any surreal process. And vice versa. So, the essence is to introspect yourself using NPI methodology. What is NPI?

NPI is a short term for the phrase, 'Negative-Positive-Interesting'. This process is used to evaluate one's future and the plan that goes with it. For instance; "Is marrying now, good?" HAHAHA.. something like that.

Anyhow, back to the topic: how can one distinguish his desires with his needs?

Well, there are plenty of ways. One of it is to ask for opinion. Ask everyone; seniors and juniors, too. Because thoughts vary across age and culture. Or better yet; ask your parents.. they know what is good and what is not for you. 

The other way is by asking yourself (this applies only to those whom extremely sincere towards everything about him/herself); "Will the absence of such and such make me a lesser being? Will it affect my life, or take a large chunks of me?"

Having answered that, the rest of the odyssey will be a lot better/smoother. 

Well, I guess thats it. See ya in my next post *which will be  posted faster that you could have ever imagined. LOL*. Had you have any question, just write it in the white box below.

.PEACE.

Gelap Pekat

Hari ini dengan rasminya, habislah sudah dua kegusaran diredah. Satu tanggal 16/Mei/2011 dan satu lagi, hari ini. Ini bermakna ada dua lagi kegusaran yang perlu diperangi; maksud saya, diharungi. HAHA :D *weii.. lagu blog ni comel semacam, kan? Lagu tu bertajuk 'Ost. Full House: Instrumental* Haha. Betul.. macam comel semacam, kan?

*mengoyangkan kepala*

Sebenarnya tidak tahu mahu merapu pasal apa petang ni. Tetapi masa sudah terluang, tulis sajalah apa yang terlintas.

*berfikir*

HAA! Mari saya ceritakan perkembangan terbaru pasal artis Holl..

*tak best!! (what is going on with him..)*

HAA!! Mari bercerita pasal perkembangan terbaru saya berdiskusi dengan ateis, HAHA. Baiklah, baiklah; saya kalah. Ilmu masih banyak perlu ditimba. Kalau asyik main 'copy/paste' saja memang begitulah natijahnya.. di akhir diskusi, diri-sendiri juga yang terkebil-kebil; gabra mengukuh semula iman.

Alaa.. biasalah debat: "You can't expect to always win, right?" Memang seronok berbincang dengan mereka, utamanya dalam bidang sains. Ateis ni jadi ateis kerana sains, kamu tahu? HAHA; sememangnya tidak tercabar sedikitpun ilmu mereka bila jumpa saya.

Tapikan.. jangan pula ingat saya jadi ateis lepas ini:- *TIDAKK!!!* Takkan mungkin. Malah saya akan belajar dengan lebih gigih lagi pasal hadits dan Al Qur'an. Di samping menambah amal, boleh sekali mengukuhkan iman. Apa Orang Putih cakap, "Killing two birds in one shot"? Ya ka?

*HAHAHA (masih menggoyangkan kepala; perlahan)*

Tidak tahu mengapa, di mana silapnya; dan salah siapa manusia berpaling dari Pencipta. Nak kata Allah tidak Adil, setiap hari Allah SWT bekalkan udara, rezeki dan ruang. Ilmu pun begitulah; bukan mereka tidak berilmu *bahkan lebih daripada kau, Yassin* Betul..

*KOTOHH-- itulah, belajar lagi dalam fasal sains, bha. Jangan terlalu bergantung pada Al Qur'an..*

Ehh!? Bolehkah Muslim buat perkara begitu? Mana boleh.. Al Qur'an itu panduan, lampu yang menunjuki adab belajar serta batas pembelajaran. Macam kalau kau jalan di tengah malam; adakan selalu papan tanda 'fluorescent' sebagai panduan dalam memandu. Hah, begitulah Al Qur'an.

*tapi.. tapi..*

Hehe, dah dengan "tapi-tapi" tu. Kalau layan awak ini, memang tidakkan habis. Bha, sampai sini sajalah..