Why I Still Believe

Salaam... ahh, what a beautiful morning. Alhamdulillah; alhamdulillah, I live again for one day. Still being given a chance to improvise myself. Unfortunately, when I was doing my Subuuh prayer, I felt emptiness. I do not know what was I doing and when the on the second raka`ah, I misread. There is something that bothered me; feeling hesitated, I redid my Subuuh.

The question, "Why"; is my way of believing

What had gotten into me, recently? Now, I rarely felt the same emotion when I first turned back to Islam. The emotion that I missed sooo much. My intuition says that I have done something bad to Allah SWT and His Rights. Well--I stop debating atheists, is this the mistake? Think not.

Tried to force myself to concentrate  and remember, the One that I was facing is no ordinary Being. Its Allah SWT; your Creator, Cherisher, Provision-Giver, the Most High and the Most Merciful. And this heart *right hand on left rib)* this heart is just too stubborn to believe.

You know, as a normal human being; weak plus objective-minded, I will at some points, argue myself if there is really a God. When I was praying, did really someone out there Listen to me. These doubts sometimes metamorphosized into a strong intuition. But then in the end, I smiled; God, how ignorant I am.

"God may not give what you want, but will always gives what you need. And with that fulfillment, He necessitates you to give back to others. "

This is what I hold when I felt discouraged and wrecked. Its the best remedy so far for me. I mean:- even when at times we doubt Him, He still Supplies us with air to breathe, food to eat and of course; a blog to write/read. Upon this consciousness, I feel grateful. Never did consciousness *you mean, the inner self* yeah, inner self of  me failed to comprehend how logical that is.

"With great consciousness, comes great responsibility."-adapted from 'Spiderman'.

Now, throw your sight through your window to the outside environment. Tell me what you see.. did you see people killing one another? *or tanks ravaging* or riot officers, trying to settle down the matter *or perhaps, in simple word: WAR* Did you see war?

I do not see anything but peace and calmness; hegemony at its entirety. And after that, what more could you ask? And often, in attempts to answer this, often; I felt ashamed. What an ungrateful person I am. And this point, has always critically shoots my sanity and realization. Even my objective and empirical mind could not afford to even try answering.

"I Love Allah"

::Wassalam::